new start

I'm officially done with my clerkship.  It feels very, very weird, but I'm done my first professional full-time job.  Honestly, I still can remember, quite vividly even, the first day of work.  I remember feeling nervous, but ready, and confident. I remember shaking hands with our court clerk, Michael, and feel frustrated everytime I failed my judge. "Always something to improve on," he would share with his responsive body language.

And that's how I've ended my time as a clerk. Always something to improve on.  I have financial issues, loads of relationship issues, and too many things on my SGI list to feel like "I got it." Yet, I'm so freaking satisfied. It's not fun, but I certainly enjoy all of my obstacles.  

Turning in my keys . . . very surreal.

Celebratory whiskey from Amanda.

As always, being consumed with so many obstacles, I felt over the past couple of weeks that I've been losing touch with myself. I'm not quite sure what it was, other than letting my environment and circumstances dictate who I was. I recently signed back onto facebook and spent a good hour looking at my photos from SUA. Seeing those pictures, I remembered that I had so many friends that believe in me, no matter what how incapable I may feel about myself.  

I also got a lot of feel-good positive reinforcement (sometimes I desperately need) looking at the messages I received from my friends. Things like "fighting eric," "challenger award," and "the one that saves the day" reminded me that I wanted to be those things again. I forgot that my parents used the word 努力 in describing me (I was also called overly-sensitive, rigid, and clumsy, lol).  At some point I forgot how important hard work was for me. 

In other news, I went to my friends' wedding. It was awesome. Check out the photobooth photos (Lian was right, Heain and Sireth need to model).